Do I have to do homework to get better?
If the very word, “homework” sparks a multitude of negative feelings and associations, then you are not alone. Let’s face it, most of us don’t like to do homework, especially therapy homework. I get it! In my personal therapy I never liked to do homework either. After all, I was there to get help and relief from the pressures of life, not to do more work!
That being said, there is an immense amount of research-based evidence that doing homework does help. And it makes intuitive sense that practicing and developing new skills and insights needs to happen in between sessions to make the positive and lasting changes you want for your life.
Research studies also show that noncompliance is one of the biggest challenges with a homework heavy therapy approach.
In my own experience as a therapist, there is no doubt that doing homework is beneficial, but not always easy to do. Sometimes I tend to go light on the homework assignments in an effort to create a softer, gentler experience, but that might not be best for everyone.
If you struggle to do homework in between sessions, it can be helpful to discuss what the obstacles were for you. Whether you did it or not, it is always grist for the mill, so to speak, to explore the reasons why (and try to suspend judgment). You may come up with helpful insights that you might not have discovered if you had done the homework.
Remember that doing homework is for you, not your therapist
Identifying obstacles to doing homework is a helpful thing in therapy. It’s usually not as simple as just being “too busy” or “too lazy”. Some of the underlying reasons might include:
Attempting to do the homework assignment brought up feelings that were uncomfortable or painful.
The assignment didn’t feel right for you, maybe it was too challenging, unnatural, or it didn’t make sense.
Just thinking about the assignment triggered anxiety.
The idea of doing homework brought up negative associations/reminders of school pressures from the past.
You’ve always been an overachiever, and therapy represents a way to relax and not try so hard. Doing homework feels antithetical to that goal.
It is immensely helpful for me as a therapist to understand whatever unique difficulties there were for you.
Sometimes I miss the mark (so to speak) when it comes to assigning a particular type of homework and discussing it can help me understand you better in a lot of ways. Therapy is not like going to a class or even a private lesson. It may contain elements of “psychoeducation”, but ideally a therapist does more following/attuning/active listening than leading/teaching.
After discussing specific obstacles or concerns, it is always possible to develop creative changes or modifications to the homework. For example, if your goal for the week was to sit on your front porch for 15 minutes a day (as a systematic desensitization exercise for agoraphobia) but you felt too much anxiety, then it’s always possible to “slice it thinner”, by looking out the window to the porch every day, or imagining being on the porch (in vivo), as well as many other possibilities.
If doing an entire cognitive therapy thought record feels too arduous, try picking just one method from the “untwist your thinking list” and apply it to an anxious or depressed thought. A thinner slice on that would be to use the phrase, “I’m having the thought….” (as a step towards questioning or challenging it).
Slicing things thinner is a wonderful way to experience all the little nuances of your journey forward (for maybe a week, or three, at a time) before you go on to the next step. It also allows for an experience of mastery vs. an experience of failure.
I have had many clients who were quite depressed and/or anxious in the beginning of treatment and felt as if they were already doing more than they could handle. Adding anything more that felt like “work” would have been inappropriate. But those same clients eventually found their own unique ways to incorporate new insights and skills into their everyday lives. That is the best homework of all.
If you are considering therapy and would like to discuss any questions or concerns, feel free to contact me by phone or message and I will be happy to offer a free 15 minute phone consultation.
