Do you feel stuck in a relationship pattern that feels unhealthy?

Are you having difficulty communicating effectively at home or work? Are unresolved issues from the past interfering with your ability to enjoy a healthy relationship now? From day one we learn and grow through our relationships with others. Having secure and nurturing attachments to our parents or caretakers helps us more than anything else to build self-esteem, regulate our emotions and bounce back from whatever difficulties life dishes out. But not everyone is fortunate enough to have such positive experiences, and more often it is a mix of positive and negative. Patterns of communication are also learned in our families, and the tendencies you developed there are carried on into your adult relationships.

Fortunately, you don’t have to be limited to or bound by what you learned in the past!

Therapy can help you fill in the blanks (so to speak) of what you didn’t get or want to change. This might include developing communication skills, empathy, self-esteem, assertiveness, and getting comfortable with loving and being loved (more secure attachment can be developed!)

Conjoint therapy (therapy with 2 or more family members or a couple) is one option for a strained or damaged relationship. Individual therapy might be a better or additional option if:

• The other party is not willing or able to participate in conjoint therapy.

• There is not enough safety (emotional or physical) to have effective conjoint therapy.

• You are already in conjoint therapy and that process is bringing up issues that require more individual attention.

• You have unresolved relationship issues from the past that contribute to negative patterns in your current relationships.

• You are dealing with the effects of an affair or other type of betrayal.

• You are single and need help and support navigating dating and relationship building.

• You are having trouble with relationships and communication at work. Or suffer from imposter syndrome.

• You want to overcome codependency issues, such as poor boundaries, low self-esteem, people-pleasing behaviors.

• You identify as (or question if you may be) an adult child of an alcoholic/addict, narcissistic mother or father, or emotionally immature parent(s).

• You are recovering from a breakup or loss.

• You have anger management issues that are negatively affecting your relationships.

• You want to work on your relationship issues and patterns in general, not just in one specific relationship.

• You are (or think you may be) in an abusive relationship, or a highly critical relationship (there are gray areas).

• You are going through a difficult transition in your life, such as a new job, marriage, divorce, stages of parenting, empty nest or retirement.

These are just a few of many issues that could be a focus of attention in individual therapy. Over the last 30 years I have worked with many people struggling with these and other similar issues. You are not alone. It has been extremely rewarding for me to witness clients grow and contribute to that process. Sometimes just a few new skills, when developed and put into action, can make a huge difference.

Conjoint therapy (therapy for 2 or more individuals in the same session) can be a great option if there is enough physical and emotional safety in the relationship to allow for honest and open communication (or work towards that goal). Some of the issues that I have helped couples or families in conjoint sessions include:

• Communication skill building.

• Problem solving, negotiating or compromising.

• Recovery from infidelity.

• Lack of emotional closeness or intimacy.

• Empathic attunement.

• Parenting issues.

• Parent child issues.

• Conflict avoidance or too much conflict.

• Power struggles.

• Life transitions.

• Recovery from issues related to dysfunctional family of origin patterns (of communication and/or behavior).

  In my work with couples, I draw primarily on a research based approach developed by John Gottman. This work focuses on developing the friendship within the marriage or relationship. In other words, getting to know and understand your partner more fully and deeply, and attuning to one another more empathically. A tall order when there is conflict and strife, but with time, patience and willingness, can be developed.

  Research also shows that it can be extremely helpful for couples to gain insight into the roots of their patterns (stemming from dynamics in their families of origin). This can be sensitive and sometimes painful work, and requires safety and trust, but can reap huge rewards with time. It is possible to change patterns from the past, but we have to learn to spot them when they arise.

  Working through relationship difficulties can be extremely challenging and stressful! But positive changes can make such a difference in your overall health, peace of mind and happiness. These changes have a ripple effect all the way around.

If you want to learn more or might benefit from my services, please give me a call or send an email to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation.

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