Help! I Can’t Stop Worrying!

No one is a stranger to worry, and during times of stress most of us worry more than we like. Worry becomes a problem when it affects your quality of life, including sleep, physical and emotional health, happiness and ability to enjoy the present moment.

I’m writing this in large part because so many of my clients have or continue to struggle with worrying too much. It is usually the central symptom in Generalized Anxiety Disorder and tends to worsen with age. I’d like to share some ideas and tips that have helped many of my clients in the past. I continue to rely on them myself to manage excessive worry when it crops up.

HONOR THE SYMPTOM

When it comes to symptom management, I have found that it’s best to start by understanding and validating the reasons why the symptom developed and why it persists. In other words, honor the symptom and it’s underlying unconscious intention rather than tell yourself that it’s ridiculous or stupid to have it. Telling yourself to “just stop worrying” or ignore the “monkey mind” skips over this very important step and can result in just feeling worse about yourself. Honoring the symptom does not mean that you are going to just live with it, but if you can understand it’s function (usually to avoid pain) you can start replacing the worry with healthier coping skills that serve a similar function (to reduce or manage emotional pain).

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE SYMPTOM, IN OTHER WORDS, WHY DO WE WORRY?

Of course, everyone has their own specific reasons for worrying, but in general, we worry because we are trying to avoid future pain. In other words, humans are natural problem solvers, and if we anticipate something bad coming, we try to figure it out, stop it or mitigate it now. Sounds reasonable to me! But obviously there are problems with this. For one thing, trying to anticipate and avoid every possible outcome is impossible, and often we have no control at all over external events. Calming the amygdala (the part of the brain that alerts us to signs of threat and danger) is central to reducing worry. All the tips below can help in this regard.

TIPS FOR MANAGING AND REDUCING WORRY

1) Learn to compartmentalize your worry by developing a “worry time” every day for 10 to 30 minutes. “Worry time” is an often-misunderstood method of coping with worry by creating an appropriate time and space to worry, which paradoxically allows you to focus more on the present moment for the rest of the day. There are lots of things you can do to make your worry time more productive than the type of endless worry that permeates your whole day. For example: 1) write down your worries (many of us worry about things we might forget to do), 2) group your worries into two categories: things you can change and things you cannot change. For the things you can change, write down your options and create an action plan to address the problem. For things you cannot change, acceptance is usually the goal (easier said than done I know). 3) If you are using CBT (cognitive behavioral Therapy) the worry time can be used to do a thought record.

2) When you are finished with your worry time, make an extra effort to engage in the present moment (mindfulness skills or cortical shift activities (#6) can help with this). When worries start to take hold again, gently bring yourself back to the present (you may need to remind yourself of your action plan and that you will have another worry time tomorrow to think about it some more).

3) Follow through on your action plans. There is an old saying that the “best cure for anxiety is to do the thing that’s on your plate” (or some variation on that). This holds true for certain types of worry as well. Procrastination and worry tend to go hand in hand, so reducing procrastination may help reduce your worry. (See my blog on procrastination for more information)

4) Practice accepting things you cannot change. This is one of the hardest things in life and no one does it perfectly. Grieving, crying, prayer, meditation, and support from friends, family and mental health professionals can help.

5) Feel your feelings. Worry can be a defense mechanism against the experience of feelings. When we worry, we get stuck in our heads, but when we feel emotions, we experience more integration between body and mind. Over time this can feel like a healthier, more present place to be, but at first it can be hard to tolerate certain feelings. One way to move from worries to feelings is to put your hand on your heart as a gesture of self-compassion. Ask yourself how you feel in your body when you think about or imagine something worrisome. You may notice and name specific physical sensations and/or emotions (usually some variation of mad, sad or glad). Knowing what you feel can help you discover what you need and from there, how to get your needs met. Doing some gentle breathing and calming self-talk can help soothe painful feelings. (Note: getting some help and guidance with this from a trained professional may be necessary or helpful).

6) Practice sensory awareness (focusing completely on a specific sense, i.e. listening to sounds, tactile sensations, or visuals to help bring your focus of attention away from thoughts and onto the body. When you are fully present in a sensory experience your muscles will noticeably relax. Guidance from a profession can be helpful, but sensory awareness can also be learned from books on the topic. Other types of meditation can be very helpful as well.

7) Do a cortical shift. When we worry, we are using more of the right side of our brains, where our imaginations can come up with all kinds of terrible scenarios. When we shift to the left side, by engaging in left brain activities: word games, puzzles, mentally absorbing tasks, etc, we can calm our minds and enjoy a break from our worries. Gardening is great since it is mentally and physically absorbing at the same time.

8) Develop a plan to deal with your worst fear. It may help also to consider the likelihood of this worst thing happening (often close to zero), but nevertheless, honoring the fear and preparing for it can have a calming effect.

9) Remember that when we are tired, we are less able to figure out answers to our problems, but the negative bias that comes with fatigue can cause us to worry more. Remind yourself to wait until morning when you are fresh and clear to do your worry time.

These are just a few tips to help reduce worry. Remember to be patient with progress, since the worry habit can take time to break, and sometimes creeps up again during times of stress. It takes discipline and perseverance to do your worry time every day, but it can help you feel freer to distract yourself from worries afterwards, knowing that you have a plan to deal with them.

Thank you for reading and if you are interested in hearing more about my psychotherapy services, please contact me for a free 15 minute consultation.